Punch: Me feel better now. Rootitootitooit! That’s the way to do it! [Dances about clapping and singing to the tune of “For he’s a jolly good fellow” again.
Meanwhile the hangman Jack Ketch appears carrying his gallows. Punch suddenly stops and shrinks to one side of the stage.]

Punch: What a lovely tree to plant? Are you the gardener?
[Ketch positions the gallows carefully and then goes up close to Punch.]

Ketch: No Mr Punch this is not a tree and I am not the gardener. My name is Jack Ketch and I am the hangman. [Punch begins to quiver a bit more] Mr Punch I have been told that you have not been behaving yerself and have broken the law.

Punch: Me? I never touched it.

Ketch: Never touched it? Well Mr Punch I am here to see that you pay for your crimes. You are to be hung by the neck until you are dead, dead, dead! [Hits the playboard to emphasise each word.]

Punch: What three times over?

Ketch: Not three times over, only once will be enough. Mr Punch you are going to suffer.

Punch: Supper, I’ve already had my supper.

Ketch: And that'll be your last supper! Mr Punch I wants you to walk up to the gallows, say your sorrys and put your head into this 'ere noose. [Points to the noose hanging before Mr Punch.]

Punch: What like this? [Puts his head above the noose]

Ketch: No not like that Mr Punch. Lower down!

Punch: Like this? [Puts his head below the noose]

Ketch: No, no, no, not like that. Higher up!

Punch: What like this. [Puts it above the noose again.]

Ketch: No, no, no! That’s not the way to do it! In ‘ere. [puts his hand through the noose.]

Punch: Well I’ve never been hung before. P’haps you could show me how to do it?

Ketch: Show you how to do it? [To audience.] Shall I show 'im 'ow to do it? I 'spose I'd better else we'll be 'ere all day. You walks up to the gallows like this. [he walks up to where the noose hangs.]You says your sorries [he makes a gesture to the audience.] and you puts your head in the noose like this. [He puts his head through the noose. Punch gives him a hand if necessary.]

Punch: Oh I get the hang of it. Then I do this.[Punch pushes him so that he is left hanging from the gallows with his legs dangling out of the booth.] That’s the way to do it! Rootitootooit! That’s the way to do it!

I’m such a clever fellow.
My name is Punchinello!

[While Punch is dancing about being pleased with himself up pops Joey again.]

Joey: Punch what have you done? You’ve gone and hung the hangman! [He lifts up Ketch.] Well he was such a wet fellow I spose he needs to be hung out to dry.We’d better get him down before someone finds out. [They both take down the gallows and unattach Ketch from the noose.] I’ll fetch something to put him in. [Joey pops down and brings back a coffin.They both grab hold of Ketch and heave Ketch into the coffin with his legs are hanging over the end.] I say Punch either he's a bit long or the coffin's a bit short. Could you pull him your way a bit? [They rearrange Ketch but this time his head hangs over Punch's end.]

Punch: [Pointing.] Joey? [They pull him back the other way. But again his legs hang out the end.]

Joey: I know let's fold him in half. [Joey lifts ketch's legs and folds them over. They both stuff him down into the coffin.] Right Punch you take that end and I'll take this and upsy daisy! [They lift the coffin into the air.] This way Punch! [They start off in Joey's direction.]

Punch: No this way Joey. [Punch pulls the coffin back. There is a bit of toing and throwing until Punch lets go sending Joey falling forwards with the coffin on top of him.]

Punch: That's the way to do it!


   
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